Jones

I wake up in the middle of the night with faint remembrance of the dream once held only moments ago. Why am I in a cold sweat, gasping for air, tormented by the demons of my nocturnal reality? The single thought of it remerges in my mind like a sudden shot of adrenaline. It haunts me, resting between the undefined universe of my conscious and unconscious mind. I cannot shake it, I cannot forget it. I cannot shatter the shackles that have smilingly bound my being to it. As if it was already written prior to my existence, I am sentenced to carry it with me, always.



I go day to day, week to week, without ever seeing it again, but I always know that it is there, hidden in the depths of my mind. Why cant I just shed it from myself? I am my own enemy. The duality of my being yearns for it as it pushes it away. The bitter-sweet taste of strength and weakness rests in the balance of the daily trivial tasks, only outdone by the sudden overtaking by an endless and all too often simplistic rival. The new memory is only a insipid comparison to the already enduring dream that is already bound to me. What keeps me to it? What keeps it to me? I deny myself for no real purpose; I have created an almost impenetrable defense, but why? Is it to keep the new dreams out or to keep the old in? How the constant battle that is self discovery truly one of lifes great lessons.

Reflecting on my life, I sit back and ponder about the personal connections with people that I have established, minor or major. What is the significance of individual paths that cross my own as I wander through this world, while sometimes questioning the purpose of my own personal path? Distinguishing the true friendships and sifting through the sublime acquaintances is sometimes a daunting task. What I really question is the true significance of deep relationships that we encounter throughout our lives. We all experience this in one form or another.

How peculiar is the fluidity and randomness of an old best friend from long ago reemerging into our lives? Is it fate or destiny? Are these friendships somehow predetermined on some higher unknown spiritual level or just an insignificant matter of pomp n circumstance? Is their some past life significance that transcends into this lifetime, ensuring a reconnection of the previous lifes friendship? I have spent many days pondering these questions. To me, friendships, especially the deep connections, play a significant roll in my purpose on this earth. What makes up our existence? Our experiences? Yes, but human nature has us programed to be social creatures, not wild animals that are bound to live their lives in solidarity. I hope that the connections that I make in this lifetime help me grow as a person, spirituality and otherwise. For what else is there? The physical is just the vehicle; the sprit is connected with all things and lives forever. I hope that the love that I have for my friends and family carries with me when I am no longer on this earth. For now, I am still here, living my life, and for the ones that I love, the friendships that I hold dear the most, I will never take for granted, and I will clutch them tightly.